SmileyGirl stress

GG just got a new job.  He quit his old one about a year ago cuz it went to a shift that just didn’t work for our family and he wanted to go back to school.  He did finish his 2 year degree, sold some stuff on eBay, played Daddy and Step-Dad for the kids and experienced life.  He has worked or gone to school most of his life on his own and I don’t think he ever had the time or money to actually sit back and enjoy it.  I think he did it this time. He began writing which was/is his dream.  He wrote a bunch, nothing published yet, but I have faith it will be someday.

Funny thing is his working is really causing me stress.  But why?  I am not threatened by his success but rather hopeful for it.  I am okay with him being gone.  The kids are missing him but doing fairly well and I know they will adapt.  But I am angry, getting upset easily, sad, frustrated and overwhelmed with life.  Major change has been difficult for me in life but I have always been able to adapt – when it’s “my” change.  Is that the problem – it’s not my change but it’s his?  What is going on?  He had to work part of the weekend and while I knew I could handle it I was a mess a good part of the time.  We talked last night about it and he point blank asked me if I was worried about him running out on me.  I said No and then started to tear up.  What?  I’m afraid of this?  It can’t be (as I try and convince myself) cuz I don’t have anything to worry about.  But that little voice kept nagging in the back of my head.  You know that little one that won’t shutup sometimes when you most need it to.  Asking those stupid questions like where is his desk, what do the girls he’s working with look like, is he enjoying himself, will he find something more pleasing and try to stay away from home.  I actually can’t believe I am worried about this because I have never had reason to with him.  He cornered me and told me it was my history that made me worried.  I think he’s right but how can I make my worries go away.  How can I convince myself or change my fears and settle my life back down. I feel like the insecure school girl wondering if he likes me all over again and it sucks – majorly.

OK – pep talk time.  I am beautiful, successful, and a leader.  He loves me for me – not for what I look like.  He has never cheated (that I know) and has a big problem with those that do.  He told me that isn’t something he een considers nor is he even a looker. Is it my lack of experience with him in this situation or what?  Ugh!  I have to figure it out because my mind has been racing and I am wiped out emotionally. 

Anyone have any thoughts or any advice for me?