Step-parenting…a feat in itself

There’s two sides – one is the parenting of your stepchild.  In my case it’s a teenager (new to me) and a very good kid.  For the most part there aren’t too many problems but its still tough from a parenting perspective.  So many questions…am I treating her the same as I would my own…does she hate it when I tell her what to do…how do I ask her to do something without her resenting me…how do I instill my values upon her without making her feel as if her own aren’t good enough…and on and on. 

The other side is the parenting that happens from your new partner with your kids.  No matter what type of parent your new partner is it is very hard not to question them.  Did they do it like I would have…was that too tough…too gentle….why does he have to do it that way…I wouldn’t have done that…and on and on. 

Will either side ever become easier and more relaxed?  Will there be a magic point where it will be come smooth and feel natural?  It has gotten easier over time but I often wonder if it will ever feel complete and good.  I guess that’s not a really fair question since even natural parents struggle with their own.  I know I still do and I’m sure I always will. 

I grew up with a stepfather (my Dad passed away when I was a pre-teen) and I wonder now if this is the way he felt parenting us.  Was it as difficult then as it is for us now?  Did he have some of the same questions we have or because there wasn’t another father figure in our lives did he somehow adapt easier? These sound like questions I’ll have to ask him in the future.